Subway, a company that I support and love, has completely shafted me. On campus after visiting a friend at work and attempting to print things [except my printing account is not properly connected to my new ID card yet (not the injustice)] I stopped by Subway to get lunch. It was about 10 AM, so I knew Subway to be open. Then the hammer began to fall.
First off, the $5 footlong of the month is Egg and Cheese and Spinach, which is just the normal breakfast $5 Footlong if you ask them to put spinach on it, except it's served all day. No one goes hooray for microwaved egg patties available all day. Then I scanned the rest of the menu even though I already knew what I would be getting. Spicy Italian Footlong, Flatbread, pepperjack cheese, spinach, tomato, olives, green peppers, banana peppers, jalapeno (optional, the tilde is also optional when typing) peppers, mayonnaise, and honey mustard. It's what I get every time.
I was shocked to see that the straight-up regular chicken had moved to the $6.75 selection of footlongs. Shoot, my first year at BYU that was on the $5 menu. I thought, "Well that's lame. I'm pretty sure wages here are stable and the price of chicken has not drastically increased. Money grubbers." I then looked at the $5 menu. I looked again. And again. And again. My Spicy Italian was not on there. Black Forest Ham, BLT, Cold Cut Combo, all there, but no Spicy Italian. Then, with trepidation, I looked at the $5.50 menu. There, sitting right next to the Seafood Sensation (which I'm always curious about, yet too terrified to try) is my Spicy Italian.
But I couldn't leave. The girl working had already said, "I'll help you when you're ready," and I, like a fool, had said, "Okay." I had accepted help before I realized I didn't want it, because what I wanted had increased in price by 60 cents (that figure includes tax). I am ashamed to say that I paid those 60 cents. I'm also ashamed to say that I still found the sandwich delicious after I was robbed by my favorite corporation represented within the Cougareat.
What is the world coming to? When a man walks into a Subway with exactly $5.34 to buy a delicious Spicy Italian, he deserves for that company to be there for him. If there had been a line there to witness my outraged I would have made a scene, but it was just the employee and I. I'm sure the employee was equally outraged. Recognizing this I did wish her a pleasant day. But seriously, was the price increase necessary? No.
I'll tell you what happened at the corporate offices. All the fatcats with their fancy bowler hats and monocles sat around the mahogany table smoking their ivory pipes and Cuban cigars.
One of them said, "Man, people are buying too many things off of our $5 menu and not buying more expensive sandwiches. How can we ruin all their cost-effective fun?"
Another chimed in, "Well, it looks like the Spicy Italian is popular. Matthew Fife buys one every time he goes to Subway, except during Anytober and Februany (Both of which we'll probably have to take away in order to make sure he never has joy in life). I bet if we bumped its price while the cost of production remains the same, we'll make more money because people will continue to buy it, thinking that 50 cents isn't much of a difference. Fools. Didn't they notice what we did to the chicken breast sandwich? It'll be the same with the Spicy Italian."
A third portly gentleman said, "Eventually we should just leave the BLT on the $5 menu. $5 for like two slices of bacon and then relatively costless vegetables? That's insane! That's the most expensive bacon ever! I love making money!"
They then retired to the swimming pool full of gold dubloons and priceless gems and their hot tub filled with champagne.
Well it's over. I will only support Subway during the months of Anytober and Februany, as long as those months continue to exist (so never again, probably). I'm enraged. Where am I supposed to go now? After consistent boycotts, I don't have very many choices. Scoreboard Grill got booted off the list when it was gross (so it's always been off the list). Teriyaki Stix lost its spot when it continued to be Teriyaki Stix (instead of something delicious). L&T barely remains on the list. Taco Bell is the only thing consistently on the list, but if the really loud, annoying, slow guy is ever working cashier, I'll take my business elsewhere (meaning nowhere, because there is nowhere else). I've never purchased anything from Freschetta or whatever the pizza place is because the pricing is bogus (Why should I spend more than $5 for a tiny pizza when I can spend $5 at Little Caesar's and get an entire large pizza?). I don't think anything else is in the Cougareat (except the Snag and Grab or whatever it's called).
I loved Subway, and my heart breaks for our terminated relationship. Break-ups are difficult (Want more insight into break-ups the Matt Fife way? Stay tuned for Dating Week!). Looks like I'll have to remember to pack my meals this semester. I shed a single crystalline tear at my loss.
One of them said, "Man, people are buying too many things off of our $5 menu and not buying more expensive sandwiches. How can we ruin all their cost-effective fun?"
Another chimed in, "Well, it looks like the Spicy Italian is popular. Matthew Fife buys one every time he goes to Subway, except during Anytober and Februany (Both of which we'll probably have to take away in order to make sure he never has joy in life). I bet if we bumped its price while the cost of production remains the same, we'll make more money because people will continue to buy it, thinking that 50 cents isn't much of a difference. Fools. Didn't they notice what we did to the chicken breast sandwich? It'll be the same with the Spicy Italian."
A third portly gentleman said, "Eventually we should just leave the BLT on the $5 menu. $5 for like two slices of bacon and then relatively costless vegetables? That's insane! That's the most expensive bacon ever! I love making money!"
They then retired to the swimming pool full of gold dubloons and priceless gems and their hot tub filled with champagne.
Well it's over. I will only support Subway during the months of Anytober and Februany, as long as those months continue to exist (so never again, probably). I'm enraged. Where am I supposed to go now? After consistent boycotts, I don't have very many choices. Scoreboard Grill got booted off the list when it was gross (so it's always been off the list). Teriyaki Stix lost its spot when it continued to be Teriyaki Stix (instead of something delicious). L&T barely remains on the list. Taco Bell is the only thing consistently on the list, but if the really loud, annoying, slow guy is ever working cashier, I'll take my business elsewhere (meaning nowhere, because there is nowhere else). I've never purchased anything from Freschetta or whatever the pizza place is because the pricing is bogus (Why should I spend more than $5 for a tiny pizza when I can spend $5 at Little Caesar's and get an entire large pizza?). I don't think anything else is in the Cougareat (except the Snag and Grab or whatever it's called).
I loved Subway, and my heart breaks for our terminated relationship. Break-ups are difficult (Want more insight into break-ups the Matt Fife way? Stay tuned for Dating Week!). Looks like I'll have to remember to pack my meals this semester. I shed a single crystalline tear at my loss.
And for the record, never once did any of my sandwiches look like this.
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