The Why's and Wherefore's

If you've read my blog this week, you might have thought to yourself something along the lines of, "I like his perspective on these various topics. He seems like a nice guy." You might have even thought (though I doubt it), "This man gets more attractive with every word he writes." You might have thought, "I wonder what this fellow's motives are for writing these entries." Well, I'm going to tell you.

As Dating Week comes to a close, I'm going to talk about myself. In case you haven't noticed, I have focused and strong opinions on the subject of dating. I must go on all sorts of dates. No, not really. It's been about a month since my last date, over a year and a half since I dated someone consistently, and really about four years  since I would consider myself to have been in a fulfilling relationship. Granted, two years of that time was spent in missionary service, and if I were not single during that time, questions would have to be raised.

Now we have to ask ourselves, where do these thoughts all come from? Well, let me tell you, the people that date the least think about dating the most. I have analyzed every rejection, every time a girl has said no to a first date (which for a while was an impressively high streak), every maybe-could-have-been, and every time I have failed to take action. I have presented in this past week what I wish would happen in hopes of maybe showing my side.

Everyone needs victories. Even little tiny ones. Once you have experienced rejection after rejection, you really start losing hope and sinking into apathy about the whole concept of dating. You start taking on the mentality of "I'm too busy for a relationship," or "Now's not a good time," or "Maybe when I'm a little older," or "If it's meant to happen, it will happen." I can say from a great deal of experience that those mentalities get nothing done. If we want something, we have to take it. We don't do arranged marriages anymore. No one just hands you a degree or a job or a happy life. Everything takes effort.

The problem with apathy is that people around you can feel it. If you just don't care, how can you expect people around you to care? If you don't want a relationship, how do can you expect someone to make an effort to have a relationship with you? If you become bitter, how can anyone find that attractive? Oh, you've been hurt and don't want it to happen again? Well, it will happen, over and over again, and the only way to make it better is to keep moving forward. Dating is a dangerous thing. When you ask a girl out, or try to advance a relationship, or anything involving women it's like standing there with your chest exposed, handing the girl a knife, and saying, "Your move." Terrifying. That is why I am terrified and intimidated by women. It's because they really get to hold all the cards, and yet I'm supposed to know which card to play from their hand. If that doesn't make any sense to you, well, we're in the same boat.

Women, say yes. Or at the very least give a valid and honest reason for saying no (And, "I'm busy" is a borderline sort of reason). Men, ask. There is nothing in life worth getting that is not protected by a circle of fire. The more obstacles, the greater the value. If you give up, you miss out, and that goes for both genders.

Do I need to make a greater effort? Do we all (male and female) need to make a greater effort? Would we benefit from greater effort? Yes. It's a fragile thing we build, but it's worth building. I think we've all caught glimpses. And sometimes a glimpse is all you need to pull you from the mire of apathy and set your feet on the solid ground of forward progress. Don't give up until the battle is won, and even then, don't give up. If you find yourself slipping into negative or unproductive mindsets, find a way to shake yourself free from them. They'll only do you harm.

Signing off (on Dating Week),
Matt Fife