Eutopia is Utopia: We Should Still Try, Though.

Note: I thought about editing out a lot of the things that express my feelings, but I didn't. Hopefully you can feel the strength of those feelings. Also, at times it might sound a little preachy. Deal with it. Or don't.

Throughout today and last night I had the opportunity to interview a handful of women regarding topics about dating. Topics ranged from what they find attractive, to date etiquette, to how they show they are interested. Some of the interviews were terrifying. All of them were really quite productive (even the terrifying ones were productive). I originally did this so that I could compile a list of just general things from a female perspective that could be useful for guys to know.

Unfortunately (for the sake of the master list), there is a great deal of individuality and variety among women and how they think. Fortunately (for the sake of men and dating), there is a great deal of individuality and variety among women and how they think. Granted, there are things that seem to be common traits. Women want men who are confident (not cocky) and kind, who treat them well (like ladies), who are willing to take care of them as well as stand beside them. They want guys that will listen (which would be sort of key in figuring out what other things they like that are more individual in nature). They want guys to take initiative. They all have insecurities when it comes to dating (don't we, too?). They have questions regarding guys as well (if anyone does have questions they want answered, my ear is hear [yeah, that was intentional] and my brain will eventually catch up to the questions being asked).

I sadly must report that there is not master list. There is no magical formula that can be used by either gender to end up with their prince or princess. Don't misunderstand. I firmly believe that you can and should find your prince or princess. Women are only mysterious, or complicated, or confusing, or mind-boggling when taken as a whole. Just like I'm sure taken all the myriad opinions and cornucopia of thoughts from men as a united whole can be mysterious and confusing as well.

Maybe the following topic does not explicitly belong in Dating Week, but I'm getting close to the end and I can say whatever I want. Watermelon. Point proven.

Over the past several weeks (and for a long time, if truth be told), I have been giving some very serious thought to people. On the whole they are relatively acceptable. I don't like large groups of them. Sometimes I'd rather avoid small groups of them as well. Sometimes I'd even rather avoid individual ones of them as well. But that is not the point. 

When talking about dating, it's easy to get into the mentality of "Men and Women," and we, without even thinking, draw the battle line and pick our sides. But why do we do that? What is to be gained from being on opposite sides? I've heard it called the battle of the sexes, but shouldn't we be working together towards something greater? Isn't that sort of what dating is all about in the long run?

Male and female, we are all people. We are all individuals. We are all human beings. Maybe it's time we stop pointing fingers, stop thinking in negative terms, stop name-calling. I know that the world that I look forward to is just a dream and a fantasy. A world where we all talk honestly. A world where we all serve and love and strengthen those around us. Maybe someday, but not today. I'm probably not ready for it. I can guarantee I'll still end up on a date or two with a girl that just won't speak her mind, that won't be open with me. It would be really easy to get cynical about the dating world. It's definitely a lot easier to blame everyone else. But how does that help us?

A wise man, I believe his name started with a J, once talked about how we should do unto others as we would have them do unto us. It might be called the Golden Rule in certain circles. I fail to see why we don't apply it in every aspect of our lives. I know I need to do a better job at it.

If we want honesty, let's be honest. If we want clarity, let's be clear about what we mean. If we want someone to be right for us, let's be right ourselves. If you want to be treated as a lady, act like a lady. If you want a man to be a gentleman, let him know that that is the caliber of personality that you demand of yourself. Honor, chivalry, selflessness, and respect should be words and actions used in our every day lives. Ladies, if you want to be put on a pedestal, give him a reason to put you there. If you wanted to be treated like a princess, be regal. The same concepts apply to men as well. Believe me, I expect even more from the menfolk. I expect even more from myself.

You may not run across perfection every day, in fact, you probably won't ever just run across it. But just because someone is imperfect doesn't mean you can treat them imperfectly. Treat everyone according to their potential. Learn to see with more than just your eyes.

If you want change in dating, effect that change. Quit complaining, start doing. Don't let frustration twist and canker your soul. If you talk and think negatively about people, it not only affects your perception of them, but it will begin to effect their perception of themselves (this applies, in a dating sense, to men's perception of women, women's perceptions of men, and so on and so forth).

Ladies, to me you are all royal daughters of God. Men, to me you are all royal sons of God. Please don't let me down. Don't let yourselves down.

Sincerely,

Matt Fife