There are few things I find quite as interesting as reading one sex's views on the opposite sex. The most fascinating events involve forays into the psychology of the opposite sex. One of those is an entry posted by a friend in honor of my dating week. I'm glad I'm beginning to see some effects of my focus on dating for the week.
What I find most entertaining is that both men and women assume that women and men (respectively) think and act in entirely novel and different ways. There seems to be some mystery that we can never unlock.
I had the opportunity today of talking with a group of lovely young ladies. I say young only because they are all younger than I am. I say lovely because, well, it's the truth. It was an enlightening conversation. Having this topic in mind I geared some of my questions to get a better idea of the way they thought of things, of interactions with men, etc.
Would you like to know my startling conclusions? Of course you do, or you wouldn't be reading this. There are two conclusions. A) I am an atypical human being. B) Women want and think about and do the same things that men do. We're really not that different.
Yes, they all said that while on dates they are analyzing and evaluating the guy, but are we gentlemen any different. The whole time we are on the date we are trying to figure out if we want a second or third date with the girl. We're consciously or subconsciously gauging how compatible we feel we are, how interesting we find them, how easy it is to talk with them, how similar or dissimilar our backgrounds are, if we want similar things out of life (if you start going into those sorts of questions and topics of conversation).
They want gentlemen. We want ladies. They want to have fun and get to know us, just like we want to have fun and get to know them. No one seeks or accepts a date without wanting to have fun. I asked what they think when a guy asks them out on a date. The response from each one of them? That he wants to get to know me better. Not once did they say, "I think he likes me and is romantically interested in me and would like to father my children." I'm not saying there aren't people like that out there, I'm just saying that we don't need to worry how our asking will be interpreted. In regularish folks, they aren't interpreting. They want to get to know you as much as you want to get to know them.
Now ladies, if you are one of those that automatically starts reading things into a first date, stop. Stop now. Stop five minutes ago. Act like you never did it. Maybe it's because we talk about it so much at BYU, and maybe it's because it's such a present aspect of our culture here, but we take dating far too seriously. Dating should be fun. We should bring back the concept of courtship (defined as the active pursuit of a potential mate with the end-goal being marriage) so that the word dating can relax from doing double duty. Dating is fun. Dating is simple. Dating does not have to imply anything.
Ladies, please help us gentlemen by allowing dating to be low-key. Dating is more than just one letter away from Mating, and it should remain that way. Gentlemen, ask the ladies out. You have Saturday. If you are still terrified of the concept of asking a girl out on a date, get your roommates or buddies or bros together and get a group of ladies to come hang out with you (Hanging out is, in fact, an acceptable precursor to dating). As an LDS culture, we have a tendency to take ourselves too seriously. The same applies to a lot of the things we do.
Relax. Take a deep breath. Act. Gentlemen, you cannot lose. If a girl says no, she just saved you time and money. If a girl says yes, you just got a date with a girl that is willing to get to know you better. Let her get to know the best you. Ladies, if a guy asks you out, gamble and say yes. For all you know it could be really fun.
This is not the end of Dating Week, and these are not my final words. But they are the words that I would hope people take away from the week. Just do it, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. And I might even think about listening to my own advice.
With the greatest hopes for your future,
Matt Fife
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