Sort of like Shark Week

Due to the fact that this blog is dedicated to attaining the unattainable and searching for the unsearchable, I have decided to have a week long special. Yes, like Shark Week but infinitely more dangerous for me. I will be swimming dangerous waters, and there is a good chance I will get bitten.

Recently, I've been hearing a lot of talk about dating (and here I enter the dangerous waters). I'm all for dating. I think it's a good idea. I think that the purpose of it is most excellent. I think that it can be done better. I think I should probably do it more. Over the week I will hit a myriad of topics regarding it.

Before I begin, I feel it would be a good idea for you to sort of get to know me, your guide for this week. The words standard and normal have never been applied to me. The words strange, eccentric, intense, and opinionated get used almost daily. But fear not. Some of these thoughts have been developed after discussions with my roommates, Sean and Kameron, so naturally not all of them will be as left-field as I can be. Feel free to disagree, debate, or disregard. Please do not feel free to hurt me. I have some experience (possibly extensive) in relationship dynamics. Now to arms.

One of the major problems with dating is that men seek advice regarding females from men, and women from women. This does have some benefits. If your female friend happens to be good friends with the guy in whom you show interest, she can probably tell you a lot about him. The problems start cropping up when the questions start getting more general. "How do I know if a man is interested in me?" "Why don't guys ask me out on more dates?" "Why do guys have to be so difficult?" The genders represented in these questions can easily be changed to suit a male audience, but I'll stick to addressing a female audience.

When one datingly-frustrated female asks another datingly-frustrated female why guys are this or that, or why they do this or don't do that, it has the same effect as holding two flames together. The flames get bigger. One could even say blown out of proportion. On the other hand, if a female were to come to me and say, "Matt, why do you do this or that or the other?" then I will say, "Oh, I didn't know I was," or "Well, here are my feelings on the subject." Hearing the story from the other party's point of view and perspective generally results in understanding, not more frustration.

"Wait a second, Matt. We can't just ask a guy how he feels. What if he just tells me what I want to hear?"

Well, ladies, I have a response. First off, if your relationship, or friendship, or desired relationship, or mutual interest, or even one-sided interest is built in such a way that he will tell you what you want to hear instead of the honest truth, I would suggest you stop. Just stop it. Quit it. Don't go there. There is this thing called honesty, and it's very important. No one likes having to guess what someone else is feeling or thinking. I and several others with whom I have talked would be ecstatic to have calm, open discourse with a lady. Dating does not, and should not, have to be a cloak-and-dagger event.

Disclaimer: Does this mean that if a man asks you out that you should just straight up say, "No, I'm not interested in you." No. How do you even know until you get to know him? As a personal rule of thumb, I find that it takes about two dates to really start getting to know someone, and then you can decide. The saying "You can never tell a book by its cover" definitely applies (unless the book is Twilight, then run, run as fast as you can).

However, if at the end of the second date you feel no inclination to continue with dates, tell him. Don't say things about valuing your friendship or that it's not a good time for you. All I hear is a load of garbage when I hear that. Don't continue to accept dates with him. Say (if true), "I've had fun on these dates with you, but I am not interested in pursuing anything with you." A rule of thumb, the more you sugar coat or cushion it, the harder it hits. Be open, be honest, express your feelings in a respectful manner. In person. Phones are evil.

Tune in tomorrow for more of my opinions on the subject of dating. That is if I haven't already mortally offended you.

Until then,
Matt Fife