Have you ever had the following experience?
You meet a young man and chat with him, and after a wee bit, you figure out that you are digging on him (in a non-grave robber way). You feel like the two of you have a connection, that things are going well. You even hang out from time to time and talk and text (even though texting is silly). You honestly believe that the undefined thing that you have has phenomenal potential. And then he starts dating someone else. You feel betrayed. You feel angry. You feel frustrated.
Let me ask you a question. Did you ever tell him how you felt? Or rather, did you ever express your feelings verbally, without pussy-footing around the issue?
You can imply, and you can infer, and you can expect him to do the same, but I can tell you that sometimes (ofttimes) the signals you are sending (or think you are sending) are not being received. And this concept works for both genders. We are talking about feelings, fragile things, and they need to be handled appropriately. If not, perceived slights and offenses and inconsiderations are sure to abound in your life.
A note about feelings: I don't like talking about them. I have done it before on occasion, but I much prefer to avoid the subject. A sure sign that I am talking about my feelings is that I will refuse to make eye-contact with you if you are female. I psychologically cannot allow ladies to look into my eyes when things of emotional importance are leaving my mouth. Not that I expect anyone reading this to need to know about how I handle feelings, but it could be a symptom in your male-friend.
While on the topic of communication, I will go where I dare not go. But I will go nonetheless.
Ladies, I need you to flirt with men. Men need you to flirt with them. If you are like my sister, you probably see cute boys all the time. And like my sister, you probably look at them, and think how cool it would be to talk to them, and then proceed to not talk to them. I think it's a common ailment to all dating-age humans. You have only so many opportunities to find good men to date, why not take each opportunity that presents itself? Is it terrifying? Totally. Can it be worth it? Yes.
Imagine the male perspective. Imagine that a man wants to ask a woman out. He thinks she seems really nice and is attracted to her. He is terrified to ask her out because he has no idea what the response will be. Another man wants to ask a woman out. She has started conversations with him, flirts, makes herself seem even more attractive simply by being approachable. The man is considerably less terrified to ask her out because he has a good idea how it's going to turn out.
Does it all rest on the ladies? No. Men do have a responsibility to ask the ladies out. However, if you are really interested in a guy and he is single, and he is not making a move, what exactly is keeping you from calling him up and asking him to hang out? Like I said, he's much more likely to ask you out if he has a good idea that you'll say yes.
Remember: If you don't make your feelings known, you have no right to be upset. As one very much acquainted with rejection, in the long run you'll be happier knowing that you should look elsewhere as opposed to fixating on one option that is a non-option. If he thinks you'll say no, he won't ask you out. If you talk about what you feel (not too much, but clearly and honestly), the opportunity for misunderstanding decreases hugely. Flirt with guys you are interested in.
Again, I invite you to share any opposing views, but these are the views that I have. This is what works with me. I will continue to attempt to date people (females), but honestly, this will make everything easier on both sides.
Until Tomorrow,
Matt Fife
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