First off, do not disregard this post even if you are sure as shootin' you're a good kisser. Be forewarned, creativity and quality are not synonyms.
Secondly, some of this post will actually focus on the qualities of relationships that make kissing someone an enjoyable experience. Generally that someone is the person with whom you are in a relationship. If it is not, then I don't think my post will help you very much in your current circumstances.
Thirdly, I am not an expert. I will say upfront with pride that my kissing experience is limited to four ladies. Plus two on stage, but that's a different ballgame and really is sort of like kissing a wall. Ain't no joy in that (unless you have a thing for walls, in which case my simile fails)(Although one time that wall was very attractive and seemed to really enjoy herself). But let's get down to brass tacks.
Kissing is a wonderful thing when done correctly. We've all seen movie kisses. They range from Disney to "What on earth!?", but I think we all have our own lines we've drawn in our minds that help us determine when to say either "That is so cute and they love each other so much" or "I am so glad my mother is not here." With that in mind, I think we all understand in our own lives (unless you have never done any kissing, in which case I apologize and instead of reading this you should be out getting yourself a man or lady friend) when a kiss ceases to be an expression of love and becomes a ferocious game of face-battling. Face-battling is not good. Tender is good.
Of all those surveyed, we have all experienced a relationship where kissing ceases to be awesome and becomes a chore. You should never get that point. Here are some professional tips to avoid such a fate:
1) Do something other than kissing. That which you do the most will very quickly become boring. That's why, unless you are me, you cannot handle eating the same cereal every morning for years upon years. Have a conversation. Look at the stars. Actually watch that movie. Discuss the symbolism found within a piece of art and the emotions it evokes in you. Make (and eat) breakfast. There are a lot of things you can do besides kissing.
2) There is an elegance in simplicity. There have been kisses where I have said silently within my head, "What on earth is going on?" Not a good question to have to ask yourself. "Passionate Kissing" is not always a passionate thing, but very often is a confusing, sloppy, moist thing that boggles my mind. Never try to accomplish too much. Breath frequently. Break contact. Do not try to see if you can perform the Dementor's kiss.
3) Kiss like you mean it. In fact, I am a big fan of only kissing when you mean it. Have I always done that, not necessarily. Do I wish I had? Yes. While making out with strangers may seem exciting, it pales in comparison to kissing someone you really care about. Well, I've never made out with a stranger, so I can't exactly make that call, but I have kissed someone I really cared about before, and that was pretty great. In fact, the first time we kissed she cried, which I'm going to assume was because of overwhelming emotion and not because it was unpleasant. I guess I never asked, so it could have just been extreme disappointment, but if it was then continuing to date me for over a year really seems like the wrong choice.
Let's be honest. Kissing is really only enjoyable when it's with someone you care about. There was a time in my life where I thought just the act of kissing was awesome and failed to mentally connect it with the emotions that were already there and the deep caring, trust, and connection that permeated the relationships. If you think about it, kissing is sort of weird. We press our faces together, connecting the openings of our digestive system, and sometimes include in that connection the usage of a wet, prehensile muscle of the mouth. And yet it's oftentimes a sweet expression of love and affection.
But I promised protocol in the title. Here are my rules:
A) Understand that most of the public doesn't really want to watch. A brief, affectionate kiss is a great way to say goodbye or hello to your significant other. More than that is uncomfortable.
B) Don't kiss in Sacrament Meeting. Shoot, I don't even like when people give shoulder massages in church. Hold hands, put your arm around her shoulders, shoot, if you have to give a back scratch then do it (but make it brief).
C) "Making Out" should be a rare occurrence.
D) Kissing on a dude or lady with the sole purpose of lengthening the time spent together should be avoided. If someone must leave, then leaving must occur.
E) Kisses on the cheek are acceptable at almost all times (except Sacrament Meeting). That's just cute, and cuteness should be encouraged. Also it's a great way to demonstrate affection if your significant other is ill. Being sick together is not romantic.
F) If I see a couple doing an eskimo kiss, or a butterfly kiss, or kissin' on each other's noses, I feel inclined to punch. You may think you're circumventing my "In Public" rules, but you are not.
G) Dental hygiene. Enough said. But I'll say more. No one wants to know what you had for dinner several hours ago, and they definitely don't want to find out mid-liplock.
H) This has nothing to do with kissing, but pet names are weird. "Honey" is acceptable, as is "Sugar." If you get more creative than that, at least spare me when I'm around.
I) Do not kiss brains out. I know, I know, I'm making a rule that contradicts my favorite post-date question.
J) I'm sure you've heard some people talk about a 3-second rule with kissing. My rule is this: Let the kiss take the time the kiss should take, but do not force a kiss to go longer than it should. Feel the energy of the situation and kiss accordingly.
K) The first time you want to kiss someone and you feel like they want to kiss you too, don't do it. Almost, but not quite. This "Not-kissed-yet" tension is a wonderful thing that will just make the actual first kiss so much more awesome. Believe me, I have never had a bad first kiss. Make that eye contact for a little bit, and then bring her in for a good, long hug. And you're welcome, the stage is set for next time.
And there you have it. Those are my thoughts and rules regarding kissing. Take what you want from it. While I'm at it I'll probably write a couple more dating posts over the next few days, sort of an informal dating week as February approaches. If you have gotten to the bottom of this post and think, "Wait, I don't even know how to kiss," here's a WikiHow article for you
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