Final Thoughts on Dating Week

Well, the day has finally come. Dating Week is drawing to a close. There were other suggestions, but not enough of them to turn Dating Week into a fortnight. However, those that did not make it into the main rotation for Dating Week have not been forgotten. Chances are good that over the next few weeks you might see a dating related post every now and then. I’m always open to post suggestions.

It’s been a good week. We’ve received an average of 44 hits per entry, which is about double the average readership, so a victory right there. Friday's entry managed to reach 96 people so far, so that skews the stats, but also counts as a victory. No one has said mean things to me because of what I have said in the posts, so another victory right there.

That’s sort of what counts. In dating, and in life, sometimes you just have to take your victories where you can get them.  Maybe that one girl didn’t say yes to the date, but someone else did, and you had fun. Take your victory. Maybe you went on a couple dates and it just didn’t work out, but you had fun and you learned a little bit more about what you want in a relationship. Take your victory. Maybe for one fleeting moment you understood the thought process of that really cute lady. Please, take your victory. A fly honey asked you to come and hang out with some of her friends, and they are all attractive. Come on over, Sir, and take your victory. Maybe he smiled at you. Claim that victory. Maybe you took something away from Dating Week that you can use. We both get victories.

Ladies, gentlemen, whatever gender you associate with, you can all have victories. No genderism here. Sometimes in my blog posts I have treated both men and women equally, or I have assumed that you would just accept my choice of pronoun and still see the application, regardless of whether you are dude or dudette. This is mainly because when that would happen, I would be espousing genderless principles. I recognize that men and women are different.

Like, really different. Let’s talk about that.

Well, here’s the problem. I don’t really know anything about the differences between men and women. I mean, other than the succinct statement from Kindergarten Cop starring Arnold Schwarzenegger (which I am glad Word knows how to auto-correct. Saved me a trip to Google). I mean, there is some other physiological stuff that I know. Like a woman’s pelvis will separate to permit the escape of a child whereas a man’s pelvic bone is pretty much fused. Also, women are really pretty. Guys, not so pretty.

I think we can all agree that there are differences between men and women. Physiological, psychological, pulchritudinal, etc. I think sometimes it’s very easy for us to say, “She is a woman. He is a man.” I don’t think there’s really anything wrong with that. If we say, “He’s a man so he likes cars. She’s a woman so she likes make-up,” we are getting onto some iffy grounds.

I am a man (hopefully this does not come as a surprise). I also like make-up, face masks, dance, spa nights, hanging with the girls, matchmaking, and other things that are girly when you are in elementary school (If you still think a mud mask on your face is girly, think of this. It’s mud. That you are supposed to put on your face. And it makes your skin feel amazing. Please, tell me what’s girly about that). I wear a lot of purple. I love shoes. I am in a program of study that is heavily female (attested to by the mini-celebration that took place when more than one guy was enrolled in one of my classes). I bake. A ton. To the point where girls are afraid to bake for me because they’re afraid that I will judge their creations to be beneath me (In case there are still people that think this, let me make this clear. My favorite brownies are the store-bought Cosmic Brownies. If you don’t understand why that is relevant, I’ll explain it sometime).

What I am saying is that for the most part, the differences that separate men and women are societal, not psychological or physiological. Do we react differently in the same situation? Probably. But then again, when a giant spider pops out of nowhere and comes running at you, the almost universal reaction is panic. Some people just channel that panic into senseless slaughter. Others call on someone else to destroy the innocent creature. I personally let them live in my shower, where arachnidic company is always welcome. Or I release them into nature. Really, I’m quite tender.

There are very real differences though that society has reinforced. Women tend to be better mothers. Single fathers can make it work, but I bet they have to live a long time outside of their comfort zone. I read an article one time about the necessity of men in society. According to the author, we have reached a point in technological and scientific advancement that men are virtually obsolete. In the history of mankind, men are responsible for the donation of a grand total of about three pounds of DNA to the human race. Throughout all time. Women on the other hand donate enough nutrients, oxygen, blood, etc. to create an eight pound child with every pregnancy. They then continue to give nutrients, antibodies, care, nurturing, and love for at least the next 18 years of life to bring the child to maturity (We’re talking averages here, not specific cases). In fact, studies have shown that it’s not the presence of both parents in a child’s life that will make the difference in achievement level in school and beyond, but economic situation (which might happen to be tied sometimes to single parenthood). Women sort of carry our society on their backs.

So what does this tell us? Well, that women are better nurturers, a fact that most LDS folks are already aware of from “The Family: A Proclamation to the World.” Is it any surprise that scientific studies have confirmed what life has shown anecdotally for years? What do men do? Well, a lot. They significantly increase the chances that the child will have the economic situation necessary for success. They sacrifice to make sure that their families are happy, healthy, and places of love and support. I know a lot of fathers that have willingly sacrificed their own dreams and aspirations to be the type of father that their family needed.

So really, despite all the differences that may exist, there is one quality that unites both genders in relationships. Selflessness. Entering into a healthy relationship should be the greatest test of that attribute that you have had to face. All of a sudden you cease to focus on yourself. Your thoughts go from, “Who do I want to take on a date tonight?” to “So, what do you want to do?” You stop thinking about your own happiness and start thinking about how you can make her/him happy. Wouldn’t it be great if getting into a relationship was the magic switch that turned you from a selfish single to a selfless adult?

But it doesn’t work. An object in motion tends to stay in motion unless acted upon by an outside force. You will not have healthy and successful relationship until you let yourself be acted upon by those outside forces (even if they have to be an inside-outside force, like you encouraging you to be better). You have a lot of opportunities to forget about yourself and do great things for other people. Whether it’s lending an ironing board or changing an old lady’s outdoor lights, the opportunities come up. Practice makes permanent. If we allow ourselves to learn to be selfless, we will be much better prepared for relationships when they come our way.

Think about it. How many of us go into school the first day and feel completely overwhelmed by all the stuff that needs to get done? How many of us actually prepared for school to start? There is a correlation between those two answers. On a side note, I would really like to know how one prepares for school to start.

So you’re not dating anyone right now? What are you doing to prepare yourself to be in that situation? Nothing? Well, then, even if you start dating someone, it’s not going to turn out fantastic (in most cases). I’ve been there (a long, long time ago in a galaxy far, far away). Take advantage of the opportunities you have to craft the best you. Then the best someone else will be interested when they roll along.  Then you can have best children and live best lives.

Is it healthy to always focus on dating and marriage? Depends. If what that means to  you is focusing on improving yourself daily, developing the talents that you have and becoming a loving, caring individual so that you can take advantage of any opportunity that presents itself in your life, then yes, it’s very healthy. If what it means to you is focusing on all the boys you’re not going on dates with, or all the girls that have turned you down, or all the things you’re not doing on the weekend, then no, it’s not healthy. It’s downright poisonous to your soul.

Focus on improvement. Focus on happiness. Focus on others. Then, even if your dating life isn’t what you want it to be, your real life will be awesome. You can complain if you want. I don’t know what good that will do, aside from making you negative and bitter, which in turn yields a you that is unattractive to all genders. Stay positive. If the time comes for mourning, mourn, but then move on. If your heart gets broken, let it break, but then fix it up and keep on sailing. If you feel frustrated, check your perspective. If you feel angry, check your attitude.

Above all, stay positive. Positive that things will work how they’re supposed to. Positive that you are becoming the best that you can. Positive that you are working on it. Positive that you are pursuing your life goals. Positive that you have the support of good friends. Positive. Be Positive.

It’s been a pleasure writing for Dating Week. It might happen again in the future if I need the readership boost. Keep living your dreams. Hopefully you learned from something I wrote. I have. I might even apply it. I hope you can, too.

Now on to battle.