Jumanji

I was in a vehicle with a man named Chris today after watching my baby bird spread his wings and fly, and at one point we talked briefly about dating. It comes up from time to time. In fact, in my case it comes up in conversation more when I'm not doing it than when I am.

Dating (and Life) is like Jumanji. I think many of us remember that wonderful film, starring Robin Williams and the little monkey boy. For those of you that don't, check it out. The premise of the film is that there is this sort of evil game that has ended up in little Alan Parrish's hands. It's a jungle safari themed game that brings your rolls to life in terrifying and dangerous ways. Ranging from the semi-harmless (monkeys that hijack police vehicles, throw knives, and loot stores) to the creepy (giant bats, spiders with bodies the size of bowling balls) to the terrifying (A man-hunting lunatic, flowers that shoot poison darts and eat cars, being trapped in the deep jungle alone as a small child), the horrors only end once the game has been completed. Once someone's game token reaches the center and that person says "Jumanji" everything disappears and you carry on with life.

Once you go on a date, your in. No backing out. No saying that you don't want to play the game. Sorry, but you started, so you have to finish (or get killed by the crazy jungle hunter). You put your peace on the board, and they're stuck with like magnets or microchips or something. You can try to pull a Sarah Whittle, but one way or another, you'll go back to the game. It's your own fault, really. You heard the beating of the drums, you let curiosity get the better of you, you didn't read all the instructions first. You started playing, and you're in for life. Or until you win.

And isn't that the saving grace of it all? You can win. You can reach the center and shout "Jumanji" (or in this case, "I do" or an equivalent mode of acquiescence). In order to win, though, you're going to have to roll. There will be monsoons. There will be stampedes. There could be crazy man-hunters (I've known a few in my day). However, if you try to cheat at the game and drop the dice just so in order to roll an 11, you will turn into a monkey-child. I've seen it. It's possible.

So take heart [Yeah, Matt, take heart(s)], there is an end. But you have to play the game to win. I guess there are alternatives, like mail-ordering a spouse, but the only way to truly win is to have played. And if you need a place to date, my little couch is always available. I'm not using it at the moment.

On a similar note, I plan on "Jumanji" being the last word I say as I depart my mortal frame.