Mmmm, Smells.

Whilst working on some other things, I started thinking about smells. I have several that definitely rank in my top favorite smells of all time. So, ladies, this blog post is for you. If you truly seeks to woo me, smell like the following things, or something equally delicious, and I will comment on it, thus breaking the ice and allowing for our relationship to grow and flourish.

The following smells are not in any order, simply the order that my brain thinks of smells.

1. Sauteed Onions - This may sound weird, but cutting up a yellow onion, heating up a hint of olive oil in the skillet, and then sauteing those delicious onions to where the edges are hinting at a smidge of charring...mmmmm, so good. The smell is glorious.

2. Bacon - I don't think I need to add anything to that. This could also be expanded to include all frying breakfast meats.

3. Fruity Liquid Soaps - Nothing is quite as pleasant in the exact same way as washing your hands with a deliciously fruity soap. Much better than those gnarly flowery soaps. No thanks on those, yes please on the fruitiness.

4. Vanilla Scents - This also includes the natural scent of vanilla extract (If a recipe doesn't call for vanilla, I'm always tempted to add some anyways). When this is combined with the above scent (Such as a vanilla citrus hand soap) then there is no stopping the delectable smell from captivating me for a moment. Vanilla candles, vanilla beans, vanilla additive, vanilla anything. I'm down for sniffing it.

5. Pheromones - I'm not conscious of these smells, but I assume I find them wonderful subconsciously (at least some of them).

6. Fresh Book Smell - That smell when you crack open a new book for the first time and just bury your nose into the pages. Wait, you don't do that? Well try it next time you get a new book. Reading should be a multi-sensory experience. Tactile, olfactory, visual, imaginational (though I recommend against tasting the books, though the snozberries do taste like snozberries).

7. Rain - A good solid spring rain leaves a most wonderful smell in the air. Especially if you live in a place with lots of trees (Read "East Coast").

8. Baked Goods - The smell is mightiest in the kitchen where such baked goods are baking, but I'll also accept fresh deliveries, because those smells are also wonderful. Highlights of the baked goods arena are ginger snaps, other cookies of various varieties, and candied bacon.

9. Clean clothes - Right out of the dryer with a delicious dryer sheet. Mmm, nothing says comfort like warm, good-smelling clothes.

10. Women's Shampoo - This especially applies to brands such as Herbal Essences (mmm, the essence of herbs is so appealing). I have yet to smell a woman's hair that was not appetizing.

So what can we learn from this? If a woman wants to win my heart (or at least overwhelm my sense of smell in a good way) she should come over to my apartment after a rain storm, carrying a plate of delicious baked goods with her hands recently washed with fruity soaps, wearing clean clothes and a hint of vanilla scent, carrying a fresh paperback in her back pocket (if girl's back pockets can handle paperbacks) after having cooked some bacon and onions in her own apartment (the lingering smell is plenty), and then whip her hair to the side (thus releasing the smell of Herbal Essences into the air). A recipe for conflicting smells? No. A recipe for Matt to be olfactorily pleased? You betcha.

Pleased by a delicious ape smell.

Diving nose first into a pleasant scent.

This owl thinks I'm funny.

In All Seriousness

Most of the time I don't mean to be funny. Sometimes I do, but those are normally the times when people just give me blank stares. However, what I have come to realize is that because of my often flippant attitude and nonchalant lackadaisicality, people tend to not take me entirely seriously, so I'm going to try to be serious every now and then to show that I can be, I just choose not to be most of the time.

It's the Sabbath. On Sundays I wake up, shower, sometimes remember to eat, get ready, and then go to church, most of the time in complete silence. I find this is good for my focusation. A lot of thoughts that I have been thinking came into solid focus this morning. Over the past several evenings I have had trouble sleeping because my mind has been wrestling with things (I even ran through all of the strengths and weaknesses of my basketball team that I play with in class and devised a phenomenal strategy that actually worked really well until everyone decided to get rid of strategy). So my brain has been completely geared up. I've been dreaming up solutions left and right recently, so naturally I knew that some sort of epiphany was coming. The following is a boiled down, poorly worded, and exceedingly shallow recap of my thoughts.

I am drawn to failure. I don't know why, but I love it. I have not experienced a great deal of it in my life, which might partially explain my fascination with it. Whenever I read a book, watch a movie, act in a play, write anything, dream anything, the most interesting part comes when the protagonist finds him/herself on the brink of absolute failure. When Frodo stands inside Mount Doom is an excellent example. For the vast majority of the books and the movies, Frodo just isn't a terribly interesting character. He has one purpose, and that is to carry the ring to its destruction. However, the moment Frodo hesitates, he becomes the most interesting character in the whole trilogy. 

There is something so phenomenally human about failure that we automatically as audience or experiencer connect. Without kryptonite, Superman is boring. The third X-men movie manages to hold my attention (despite its obvious, crippling flaws) because for the first time there is the possibility of a loss of power, of complete and utter defeat for the X-men. Empire Strikes back is super interesting because Luke loses (that and sleeping in a tauntaun).

I have struggled with failure for a long time. Not that I've failed a lot. I've struggled to feel like I can. That's why I play sports like softball and basketball, why I've learned to play the ocarina, why I picked up the guitar, why I take dance classes, and why I've switched my major so often. I want to feel challenged. I want to feel like I might not succeed. I am convinced that the only way to truly grow and develop is through exposure to failure. In a way, I like losing (Don't get me wrong, I love winning, too). It lets me know what I can do to improve. I've sifted through a dozen majors trying to find a balance between the potential for failure (the satisfying challenge) and what I love to do. I'm still not sure I've found it, but I enjoy what I'm doing, so I'll stick with it.

When people say, "I'm only human," they are saying that it's impossible for humans to be right all the time, to always succeed. This term has been particularly dehumanizing for me. Dance has been a good balance. I have had to work like never before to do something entirely alien to me, and I have risen to the occasion. Softball could have been another good balance, but I don't feel like I ever had any way to measure improvement or had much chance to improve, so my verdict is out.

Luckily for me, I have been going on more dates this term, and that keeps my failure quota full. I just can't figure it out. I'm just really bad at it. It's a mixture of not being able to build any momentum, of lacking clarity of purpose, maybe of trying to date the wrong girls, maybe just being the wrong guy for the girls I've taken on dates. I don't know. It leaves me perplexed because no matter the angle I choose from which to look I can't see the whole picture. I like seeing the whole picture. 

And yet, surprisingly (maybe I've matured, which would also be surprising) I'm not frustrated by my inability to get anything going. Disappointed maybe, because, shoot, I've had dates with some very attractive and interesting females. Like super interesting. Like I actually enjoy listening. Which is difficult because most people are terribly normal, and I am anything but. No matter. Despite it all, I find myself saying, "Matt, at least you tried. You wouldn't have a couple of months ago. I mean, look at her. You asked. Well done. You'll get 'em next time (or the next, or the next, or the next)." I think this might mean I'm on the verge of being able to improve.

There is a poem that I very much like by Emily Dickinson. Here it is:


Success is counted sweetest
By those who ne'er succeed.
To comprehend a nectar
Requires sorest need.


Not one of all the purple Host
That took the flag today
Can tell the definition
So clear of Victory

As he defeated - dying -
On whose forbidden ear
The distant strains of triumph
Burst agonized and clear!

To fail is beautifully human. To be able to stand up, improve, and overcome that failure is what sets us apart. That is the divine aspect of life. That is why repentance is so key to our existence, because it is only through repentance that we can ever truly improve, that we can ever become like our Heavenly Father. We will fail. We're only human, after all. Some of us will feel like we fail a whole lot. But there is always the opportunity to learn, to grow, and to succeed the next time the challenge arises.

And now if you've managed to read all of that, you have earned the following.

Hedgehogs are so CUTE!

He obviously just made a fool of himself asking out the prettiest elephant in front of all her friends.

WHAT!? Kameron isn't coming out to play today!? I did my hair just for him.

Back to Sasquatch

Over the months of this blog I have seemingly moved away from my quest to find Sasquatch. However, you would be incorrect to assume that. Yes, school does tend to get in the way of my true calling in life, but it never can fully stop it. Recently I have been working on my plan to spend time immersed in the Pacific Northwest in order to earn the trust of the gentle giants and be admitted into their communities. In my research, however, I have discovered that it might not be entirely necessary to travel that far.

In order to give you a visual image, I share this link.

Why must one go to the Pacific Northwest when there are legitimate sightings reported here in the Wasatch front? Or even in the entire Appalachian region (I would "go home," but really it would just be a Sasquatch excursion). I have learned that perhaps one must not simply trust the most common folklore, but should instead trust good, solid, scientific data in order to target cryptozoologic research effectively.

Some people do not believe that it would be worth my time to journey deep into the heart of Sasquatch country. Some people would be wrong. People always tell you to follow your dreams, but they always mean "Follow your dreams as long as they make sense to me." Unless of course those people are my mother. Then she actually means it, though I have not shared by Sasquatch Hunt dreams with her. I'm sure she'd approve. If nothing else I would get some intense camping done.

Sasquatch is entirely misunderstood. Yes, there are doubters, one of them being a pair of people that I respect to the utmost. Yet for every doubter there are an equal number of supporters and true seekers (not really, because it's hard to overcome the prejudices of skeptical science, as opposed to embrasive science, the branch that I believe in). It's a hot topic, I understand that. I vote purely based on level of credence given by political figures to reported sightings.

Adventure and excitement will always succeed in calling the adventurer, and I'm nothing if not an adventurer. First question I ask a potential date: "If your fiance planned a honeymoon, would you be upset if said honeymoon involved an intense two week search for Sasquatch?" Most common answer: Well, I don't have a lot of potential dates (I either have a date or I don't, no real grey area where this question could be used).

If nothing else, I need to get to the mountains. Having dreamed all my life of doing something big and heroic, I never thought that it would be pioneering the field of Human-Sasquatch interaction, or Sasquatch Anthropology, or Sasquatch Theology. I never thought I would be called as an expert witness in front of a congressional committee to testify of the benefits of a cross-species alliance against the rising Gorion threat (When I genetically engineered the Gorion, a cross between a gorilla and a lion, I never intended to lose control. My main mistake was giving them the power of human speech).

A wide world of possibilities await. First Sasquatch president. First Sasquatch to star in a major motion picture. First Sasquatch to play in the NBA (James Harden is doing a great job of paving the way for greater tolerance). If I can make contact, the world will change. It will enter into the greatest period of peace and brotherly love that it has ever seen. Cryptozoology will no longer have a read squiggly line underneath it.

Dream big. And if you can't dream big, then you're not trying. Sasquatch, it's almost time for you and I to meet (and then share a delicious tea made from herbs from your own garden while discussing the societal structure of your Sasquatch community).

Free Throws, Needle Pricks, and Four Pictures to Brighten Your Day

Yesterday I gave blood. The man that finished the process, the one that takes the vials for testing and bandages you up, seemed from observation to be relatively inexperienced at his job. To the point where I considered telling him how to do it. I've given blood enough to know the quickest way to make it an uncomfortable experience, and the best ways to expedite the process and make sure everyone is happy, albeit a pint lighter. Common sense things like if you want a band-aid to stick, clean the iodine off with one of the nifty alcohol swabs before putting the band-aid on. Or, before poking around with a needle to make sure one has not stopped bleeding, check to make sure you haven't put any kinks in the tubing. Mainly because if a donor has finished their donation in under five minutes then chances are good they did not stop bleeding precipitously.

However, I held my tongue and clenched my teeth, although to my own shame I winced once when he decided to use the needle as a probe. If there is one thing I've learned in my life, and by life I mean basketball class, the single most important aspect of free throw shooting is confidence. It might even apply to more than just free throws. If I, an untrained know-it-all, had gone in guns blazing to throw down on that woefully nonsensical man nurse, his confidence would have been shot. I knew that my situation was not dire, that it was not life or death, so I decided to let him proceed. Hopefully he will obtain better training, and I have no doubt he will improve with more practice. I was not (and still am not) a tiny female who just barely qualifies weight-wise and who has not had anything to eat all day. There was no danger of me fainting, and the chances of bruising are small for me. My veins are large and in charge, and they donate with the best of them. Broham just needs greater confidence, and if I can help with that, I'm honored.

The truth of the matter is, I appreciate it when people do the same for me. Maybe if Jemaine received positive feedback, he would not lose confidence while freestyling. I'm all for realistic goals and not dreaming of being a world-class ballerina when you're 60 with no dance training. But we all want to be awesome. We all want to have our thing. When someone says, "Dang, I wish there was someone around that could fix my sink," we want to be the sink-fixer. I think we live in a culture (referring specifically to man-culture) where we often like to kid around with each other and poke fun at some of those dreams. Maybe instead of laughing we can build confidence. If a guy says, "I want to ask that girl out who is way out of my league," we should say, "Dude, I have her number right here. Get some." Maybe not the "Get some" part. Or if a brother says, "I'm going to be the best (insert crazy goal here) ever," we should say, "Hombre, I've got your back."

And ladies, you can do your part, too. And I think you know what I'm talking about. Yep, that's right, kiss dudes right on the face. Or whatever you were thinking I was meaning because that's probably a better way of doing things. I'm not a woman.

I am not a confident man in most areas of life. Except test-taking and book-learnin'. And blood donation policies and procedures. And light handyman work. And baking. And domesticity in general. And adult-child interactions. Shoot, when I look at what I am confident about, I'd make an excellent husband. Unfortunately that's about where the list ends (though I'm also confident that if you've made it this far, you deserve an awesome reward, and it's coming).

So today, try to boost someone's confidence. Don't be a naysayer. Let cups be half full, or better yet, fill them to overflowing. Chances are your own confidence will increase.

And now for the reward.

I'm often curious enough to lick anything once.

Birds of a feather...nope. 

Imagine how much banana bread could be made if this were scaled up to human size.

Ladies, he says hello.