Future Decided

I have finally decided what I want to be when I grow up. "Grow up?" you might ask. "Aren't you already just about 23?"

Well, yes. But age is more a state of mind than anything. Now that that's out of the way, I can proceed to the meat. I have decided to become (after I find Sasquatch, of course) a Dragon/Treasure Hunter. And the "/" is an and/or. Obviously if I find a dragon and hunt it, the marvelous creature will probably lead me to its horde of treasure. Will I feel bad about killing so magnificent a creature? Who said anything about killing? I plan on extorting wealth from the dragons. Clearly they don't want to be found by humans, or they would hang out where humans can see them. If I threaten to expose them (and manage to not get killed) imagine the wealth they would offer me in order to bribe me into silence.

Naturally I would prefer a diversified portfolio: some gems, gold, ancient weapons and armor with magical properties, and a heaping helping of wisdom and dragon lore. Probably heavy on the gold. And gems. Would I probably be target for reprisals from the dragons? Yes, but that's why I'd get the magical weapons and armor. Sure, it may look like they didn't help out the last guy to wear them, but he didn't have technology on his side. By blending magic with technology, I'd be unstoppable. And it would only give me greater advantage in treasure hunting.

Yeah, I have given this a lot of thought.

To Express My Feelings

Oh mightiest Nog

Taste, texture, nothing compares.

Nectar of the Gods.

Feats of Greatness

I am certain that everyone has the potential to do something great with their lives. Some will swing dance at an above average level, others will read two grade levels above average, while still others will discover a small Sasquatch community in the Pacific Northwest and integrate themselves into the aforementioned society, learning much in a short period of time.

Since I have not had the opportunity to accomplish the latter (yet), I have found my greatness in other events. You've probably heard the rumors, and I am here to confirm these rumors, thus taking them out of the realm of rumor and installing them in the neighborhood of common knowledge. Yes, I did in fact eat 7 pieces of Kneader's freedom toast, and yes, I did take a stand against my own physical limits, and yes, I won.

How do I do it? It's a result of my very essence, the core of phenomenality that insinuates itself into every aspect of my lovely life. When someone challenges me to an eating contest, concern for my own well-being goes and defenestrates itself.

I dedicate this win, and the resulting desire to eat nothing for a long time, to the very namesake of the toast, Freedom. Some people fight against slavery in their own ways, and I fight it in mine. I would gladly bring slavery back into practice just so that I could eat it into submission. There may be people starving in Africa, or Uz-beki-beki-beki-beki-stan-stan, so I will gorge myself as often as I can so that they don't have to feel bad because we're wasting food.

But so help me, if Sasquatch and I stand together to feast in the name of the downtrodden, I can guarantee that you will see feats of greatness heretofore unknown in the history of mankind.