Ronald Weasley: Remarkably Mediocre

It is the Christmas season, and this time of year my thoughts always turn to Harry Potter as I mentally and emotionally prepare to send at least three text and Facebook messages saying "Happy Christmas, Harry" and wait for the natural response, "Happy Christmas, Ron."

So last night I was thinking about Ron Weasley. As I sat there I tried to think of what Ron actually did that was outstanding, that earned him his place in the legendary tripod. In his first year at Hogwarts he played a really good game of chess. In his second year he cried about spiders and then let Harry take all of the risk and go after Ginny. In his third year he broke his leg. In his fourth year he got upset with Harry because Harry got into the Triwizard Tournament (and helped bring Fleur's sister to shore). In his fifth year at Hogwarts he used a summoning charm on a tentacular brain, nearly killing himself. In his sixth year he managed (through Hermione's cheating) to get onto the Quidditch team and performed poorly until the key game when he played remarkably well (after thinking that Harry cheated to help him). He also smooched on Lavender Brown a lot. In his seventh year (which didn't take place at Hogwarts) he abandoned his friends and then joined back up with his friends, and then watched his best friend beat Voldemort.

In the sum total of all of Ronald's Hogwarts career he doesn't do a whole lot that is noteworthy (in a good way) that is unique to him. Even Neville proved his Gryffindorhood by whipping Godric's sword out of the Sorting Hat to absolutely destroy the final horcrux (Nagini) and open the door to Harry doing his defeating Voldemort thing. What was it in Ron's life that made him so overwhelmingly mediocre? I tried for quite some time to piece it all together. Was there a moment that lead to his screaming normalcy (with mediocre wizard powers), or was it a confluence of circumstances?

Sure, he came from a large family and might have felt overshadowed, but let's look at his other siblings. Charlie became successful working with dragons, Bill successfully broke curses (and totes won Fleur's heart), Percy earned moderate success in the Ministry of Magic pretty quickly, Fred and George became wealthy entrepreneurs (before they left Hogwarts), Ginny achieved success as a Quidditch player and sports reporter. So all of his siblings did remarkably well at what they loved. Statistically the success of that family is crazy. Ron's averageness helps balance it. So if everyone else in the family is able to excel in spite of the family dynamic, and probably because of it.

Then it all came to me. All of his mediocrity can be traced back to his first train ride to Hogwarts.

First off he fell in with the famous Harry Potter. While we all say that we shouldn't compare ourselves with others, it must be hard to not do so when you meet someone who from their birth has received more attention than you have received cumulatively in your entire life. What's more, just being around Harry brought attention to Ron. Just by sticking with Harry, Ron go to go on some sick adventures, break rules, and even share in the glory of winning the House Cup. Why excel when all of your dreams are being satisfied without effort on your part? And when you add on the fact that Ron's best friend was academically challenged and shenanigan-ally gifted, Ron's behavior couldn't help but change to match.

Secondly, and I think that this played more of a role in Ron's mediocrity, was the failed spell he used on Scabbers. Let's look at this in more depth. Ron said that Fred and George gave him the spell, and after failing to cast it correctly he expresses his concern that Fred and George gave him a fake spell to screw around with him. But what benefit would Fred and George get from that? Ron was probably going to test out the spell alone. We see throughout the books that they only play tricks when they get to see the payoff. They love to revel in their own brilliance as their plots and plans come to fruition. On top of that, Fred and George are brilliant and invent magic other people have never seen (example: the Swamp in Book 5). Deep down Ron knows this, and failing to cast the spell correctly shakes his confidence to the core. From the very beginning he gets it into his head that he lacks magical talent, and this belief leads to nerves and doubts impairing his performance in every class (and life).

So why didn't that spell work? Fred and George developed it to work on rats. Was Scabbers a rat? No, he was a person, an animagus. I can only imagine that would definitely change the effectiveness of a spell. Case in point: the Cruciatus Curse and Avada Kedavra both require intent and focus to work effectively. So if you need hate in your heart to torture or kill someone with a curse, is it really that hard to think that a spell designed for a rat wouldn't work right on a human in rat form?

But then again, maybe Ron just didn't have that much potential to begin with. Dumbledore didn't seem to think so, though, and did what he could to nurture and draw out that hidden potential. Shoot, he gave Ron a stupid amount of points for playing a game of chess (and demonstrating a remarkable level of self-sacrifice), and then later he made him Prefect instead of Harry. Even Harry tried to unlock Ron's potential by tricking Ron to get out of Ron's way to become a Quidditch hero. Ron's doubts (the one's that started with failing to perform a simple spell) became Ron's worst enemy.

The final piece of evidence, and the part of the series that never jived with me. Down in the Chamber of Secrets Ron had every reason to move forward. His little sister was trapped, alone, dying in the depths of the Chamber. As a brother myself I know that nothing would have stopped me from tearing in there and throwing down on the spiritual manifestation of Tom Riddle. Now, if Ron had done that he probably would have been killed by the basilisk, but I think everyone would agree that it would have been the most understandable reaction. He chose to stay behind. He let Harry, who had no good reason other than being a friend and having an insatiable drive toward self-destruction, go in his place. Only a man crippled by his own doubts, who believed he could never accomplish his goals, would hand off his fraternal responsibility for his sister to his friend (who he had known for less than two years, and who had not even gone through puberty).

So what's the moral of the story? We should not allow one failure and the ease of following the path of least resistance to rob us of all the things we want to enjoy. When Ron looked in the Mirror of Erised he saw himself earning all of the honors that he could only hope for. And let's be honest, after that ferocious chess match I have no doubt that Ron could have earned those if he had turned his stupid, fat rat yellow and had a better, more academically inclined friend earlier on (like, before Halloween).

I Will Marry for Science!

I have determined that I must marry someone who has blond hair and blue eyes. Yeah, intelligence and tenderness and other qualities might be nice, but the important part is how they look. Some of you might (accurately) say, "Matt, that sounds really shallow." 

But let me explain how this is really for the sake of humanity. 

Anyone who has taken a basic biology course has been introduced to genetics. You've drawn your Punnett squares, determined the statistical probability of offspring inheriting certain characteristics, and read about Gregor Mendel's pea plants. 

We have been using genetics for centuries (most of the time before we knew it was genetics) to obtain favorable outcomes from crops and livestock. We needed hardier plants and animals to face increasingly harsher climates. This was great, but it is possible to move beyond useful husbandry into a realm of disastrous genetic consequences. Just look at all of those dog breeds that have crazy health problems as a result of inbreeding. When series after series of genetically similar pairs breed, the result is the destruction of a species.

Which is why I need to marry someone with blond hair and blue eyes. It would be a marriage for science. With that combination of genes I would be ensuring the greatest number of possible genetic combinations. I would be moving humanity (at least as much as I can) towards greater diversity and away from genetic inbreeding. Let me explain further.

I have brown eyes. Well, mostly brown. There's a hint of green in there, but that's mainly a result of how light interacts in the stroma. However, my father has blue eyes, and my brother has blue eyes, which means that I carry at least some of the recessive genes that lead to blue eyes (there are approximately 15 genes responsible for eye color). Therefore, if I marry someone that is full-on recessive, our children could potentially have pretty much any eye color between brown and blue.

I have brownish hair. Well, sort of a dirty blond. As a child I was a tow head if you ever saw one. Blond as could be. The presence of read hairs in my beard is also a glorious sign of my own personal genetic diversity. The amount of combinations I could have with a blond haired woman are many.

In essence, a marriage between me (a metaphorical stewpot of gene expression) and a blond-haird, blue-eyed woman (as close as one can get to a genetic blank canvas) would theoretically yield the greatest diversity. I may not be able to stop the red heads from going extinct, but I sure as shootin' can make sure the world isn't just a dark haired mass of sameness.

But wait, there's more! I also have most of the genes that lead to a sound body and mind. I have genes for the correct number of fingers and toes, for the high end of average height, for seeing, hearing, and smelling (though my smelling might be too powerful, so if my wife has a lower than average sense of smell then everything should balance), and my organs are all in the right place. I don't want anyone to think that I'm genetically perfect, though. In the spirit of full disclosure I am genetically predisposed to high cholesterol and have poor (though not the worst) vision.

So the result of a union between me and a blonde would be strong, healthy, genetically diverse offspring. I might not be able to do much for humanity, but I can do my best to ensure our survival. And if you are familiar with my dating history then you will know that I have only ever dated one blond woman. Dark hair and dark eyes are historically more my thing, so hopefully you appreciate that this will be a sacrifice. But I am willing to sacrifice for the greater good. The human species must survive.