On Guardians, Galaxies, and Heroes.

Spoiler Alert: I make no promises that I won't spoil something.

A few weeks ago I saw Guardians of the Galaxy alone in a movie theatre at 10AM on a Saturday. And I'm not complaining. I prefer to watch movies by myself. Movies, theatre, music, really anything where afterwards someone might be tempted to ask me, "So what did you think?" before I'm good and ready to respond. I need time to digest.

That's beside the point. I thoroughly enjoyed the movie. It was, by all accounts, well done. I'll admit, I'm a bit burnt out on comic book to movie translations. Somehow one Spiderman movie became five, Superman has attempted to win everyone over multiple times, Tony Stark has done his thing thrice, Captain America, Thor, the Hulk, Batman (the Bond franchise of Comic Book films), the list goes on and on. Our heroes face crazier and crazier obstacles as nefarious villains strive to conquer, destroy, steal, or corrupt various cities, America, or the World (or Universe if they're feeling ambitious). And for the most part I have enjoyed at least the first movie of each new adaptation. But I can only see so many skyscrapers tumble and innocent bystanders probably get wasted (but at least the hero or token child saved by hero is fine) before I start thinking about cost. The cost of cities being destroyed is the #2 cause of me losing focus and letting the illusion crumble around my ears.

Guardians of the Galaxy did an admirable job preventing that. The faceless masses were given faces. The cost to the multitudes was constantly present. It was not hero vs. villain for the sake of a sweet explosive showdown. It was countless people sacrificing to save families and friends, habitual enemies becoming allies with the hope that everyone can go home at the end of the day and hold their children again. And as for the Guardians themselves, it wasn't a bunch of misfits coming together. For all intents and purposes each one had their place and did quite well in their sphere. They were successful in their niches. On an individual basis they probably did better separate than as part of a group. With that said, when a need arose they did their best with what they had. That's a story that speaks to people.

At this point you might be saying, "If that's #2, what's #1?" Let me tell you. The #1 thing that ruins the magic for me is when heroes don't bleed. Not that I have to see actual blood. Metaphorically (though in the pursuit of the metaphor it could get literal). I need to see that my heroes can fail, that there is the possibility that they just aren't strong enough, or smart enough, or brave enough, or decisive enough or good enough to succeed when push comes to shove. I don't think I'm alone in this. I think it's one of the keys to winning an audience: providing an access point, a way for me to relate and say, "I have been there, and I will be there again, and we understand each other."

Two images from film for you. The first is from the Superman remake before the Henry Cavill one. Towards the beginning of the film there are some bad guys doing what bag guys do, and Superman flies in to stop them. They unload a gattling gun into his chest, but Superman continues approaching them undeterred. The shooter, not about to give up, walks towards Superman, and at point blank range he shoot Superman in the face. In slow motion we see the bullet hit Superman's eye, compress, fragment, and fall to the ground, leaving him completely unscathed. If I recall correctly this is in the first ten minutes. It's established right from the beginning, Superman will win because at the end of the day, he's invincible. He can't bleed (unless in the presence of a surprisingly rare non-earth element, but excluding outside forces he's perfect. I admit, I have problems with the concept of Superman).

The second image is from Thor. From the beginning we get that he is pretty impressive in terms of strength and battle prowess. We also see very early on that he is proud, foolish, thoughtless, manipulable, rash, and petty. But the image I truly love is this. After he has fought his way through government agents, he stands in front of his hammer ready to regain his former glory. When he tries, for all his strength and prowess, he cannot move the hammer. We see him collapse to his knees in the rain with a look in his eyes that says, "I am not good enough."

Which image speaks more to us as an audience? Which one allows for empathy and sympathy? The man who will always be the best, or the man on his knees, his hopes crushed, struggling to understand the world around him, hopeless, defeated, and alone. I will feel for the second every time, and I will cheer for him as he strives imperfectly to overcome challenges.

That's why I liked Guardians of the Galaxy. They fail so often and after so much effort that you start to wonder if success is even an option. Surely after that much sacrifice and effort they should have won. They are people trying their best, but frequently their best isn't good enough. I can relate.

So to all of you story makers and creators, please give me people on stage, on screen, on the page, etc. that let me feel for and with them. I need heroes that can bleed, that can despair, that can sorrow, that can doubt. I need living, breathing characters that expose truths of the human condition, and from what I understand it's very hard to live without blood.

And for all of you that may not have seen Guardians of the Galaxy, accept that it's probably not as good as I've talked it up to be. I don't need you being disappointed because I said it was great and you don't think so. But you should see it and judge for yourself.

Adulthood Checklist

Recently I have been checking things off of my unspoken checklist for becoming an adult in a manner both fast and furious. Let us make that unspoken list a spoken list by having you read the following list out loud. Or speak it in your mind.

1. Get a salaried job - Check. I work full-time and I've completed my training.
2. Purchase a bed - Check. And it's queen-sized. After all that time in college on a twin mattress (if you can call it a mattress) I'm going big. And it's memory foam.
3. Get a place of my own - Mostly check. I just need to finish moving in.
4. Get a college degree - Check. I don't use it, but I've got it.
5. Get my own cellular telephone - Check. And it even acts as a pedometer. You could attempt to get on my level, but don't be disappointed if you can't.
6. Get business cards - Check. They have my name on them and everything.
7. Become the greatest uncle ever - Check. Tears happen when I leave.
8. Obtain a wife and/or children - Not yet accomplished. Luckily this is more an add-on of adulthood, something that should probably not be accomplished until adulthood is within your grasp.
9. Buy a shower curtain - Check. What's so special about this? If you don't know then you've never bought a shower curtain.
10. Have health, dental, life, and accidental death and dismemberment insurance - Check. My hand is currently worth thousands of dollars if it gets accidentally removed from my arm.
11. Have a 401k and know what it is - Check.
12. Have my own wifi - Check. It's even named after me.

I don't understand how women aren't falling over themselves to partake in my maturity and adulthood. Added bonus: I am bearded, which physiologically means I have reached adulthood and which psychologically means I am strong, reliable, respectable, and erudite. I even use words like erudite. And panache.

Adulthood, it's a pleasure to meet you.

Swinging in Sunshine and Snow

For those of you that are unaware, I have graduated college. I now hold a B.A. in Theatre Arts Studies. Two weeks ago I was incredible. Now I'm credible.

Let me share an experience with you. But first you must wade through background information. The Saturday after graduation (April 26th) my housing contract expired, meaning that I moved out of my apartment into...a storage unit. No I'm not living in a storage unit, but all my stuff is. I remain homeless, living on roll-away beds and couches. I am waiting to hear about future employment, floating around the world, living a life of simplicity. I don't really worry about too much, just hanging out in limbo for a time. I've played my hand, so now it's life's turn. I can't really continue playing with her holding up the flow of the game.

But what I can do is swing. Monday afternoon, having dropped my mother off at the airport and waiting for my dear friend to be ready to go get lunch, I stopped at the local park and commenced swinging on the swings. Swinging is one of the few things in life that I hate. It is also one of the many things in life that I love. The first few moments are terrible. The rest are wonderful. For clarification, I hate back and forth motion, such as the type that can be found at amusement parks on swinging ships and in parks on swings.

Now, as I was swinging, the sun was shining, my legs were pumping, and I was reveling in the simple freedom of just swinging. Yes, reliving my childhood brings me great joy (Legos, swings, reading for days on end, walking uphill both ways in two feet of snow, etc.). Then, one of the craziest Utah things happen. There, in the middle of the sun and my childlike freedom, it began to snow. Not sticking to the ground, but dark cloud and flurries and flakes. A different type of human being (sane, stable, normalish) would have called it a day and returned to their home. Seeing as how I have no home, am not normalish, and refuse to bow to Mother Nature's fury, I continued swinging. And then, about ten minutes later, it stopped snowing. The sun, which had never stopped shining, shined brighter. The dark cloud completely vanished. And I continued swinging.

Did this actually happen? Yes. Is it a metaphor? Yes. It is also, surprisingly enough, not hyperbolated at all. If I had replaced myself with an animal it could have also been read as a fable. If I included more fish it could have been a parable. Or is it already a parable? What's a parable if not an extended extended metaphor? Is this an extended metaphor? What is the symbolism? How would I stage this? What is my concept as director? All valid questions.

But what I thought was this: you just gotta keep on doing your thing. Onwards and upwards, as Aslan says. You never reach the summit if you turn around and go back down, or if you try climbing while looking back over your shoulder. As I sat there, swinging in the snow and in the sun, the stresses and tension that I have long carried with me and which intensified throughout last week melted away. Is my future uncertain? Yes. Can I live with that? Yes. Will I end up where and when I need to be? I am confident that the answer is yes.

Should you go swing on your nearest swing set? Yes.

Friendliness

It's been some time since I updated, and with an inexplicable boost in page views over the past three days (like a "someone is reading all of my posts four times" boost) I have decided that maybe it's time to post something new.

Recently in my life it was brought to my attention that at times I am not a very friendly person. Valid. There are quite a few things I prefer to social interactions, and I can oftentimes come across as gruff, disinterested, crotchety, and surly. Or all four. Sometimes I'm just caught at the exact wrong moment (like, say, a production week). Most of the time I'm just prickly. Like a hedgehog. Don't pet a hedgehog backwards. It's a simple concept, but difficult to apply to human interactions.

Back to the actual point. So I can sometimes be less than friendly, less than approachable, and less than huggable. I accept that about me, but I have felt after that exchange that maybe I should try a bit harder to be a bit more pleasant to people. I think I'm doing quite well. Then again, I thought I was doing fine before.

I think we can all be more aware, more careful, and more loving in how we treat other people. Especially me (meaning treat me more lovingly. Joking. But not). We may think that we are jesting, but sometimes it's the tone of our voice, the inflection at the end of our sentence, or the content of our joke that makes it less of a joke and more of a harmful statement. We don't know everyone's past, we don't know everyone's future, and we don't always know the ins and outs of what people are dealing with right now.

There's that one scripture in James that talks about bridling the tongue. We should all lend some more credence to those verses. I should lend more credence to those verses. When we let our tongue run freely, when we never check what we are saying and simply spew forth whatever stumbles into our mouth then we can very easily start fires we cannot put out. Thankfully I was made aware before that happened with my dear friend, but the results could have been disastrous. Apparently that old adage, "Think before you speak," remains true in our modern era.

So if I say something thoughtless, hurtful, harmful, or just plain stupid, let me know. We can all help to lift one another to speak with the tongue of angels.

What's in a Name? Lots.

I believe strongly in the power of names. Chances are it has something to do with reading The Dark is Rising series and the Earthsea Chronicles at a young age.

But let's talk about names for a brief moment. Or rather, let's talk about the danger of avoiding names.

In LDS culture I have noticed a tendency to use code words in order to avoid the names of other things. We say challenges, trials, and struggles instead of saying what they are (Same with sin, but the public expression of how you sinned might be received differently than to say how you are challenged. Certain of the following concepts still apply). On the other end, we say blessings instead of naming how we have actually been blessed. I believe there is great danger in this. While I recognize that most of this is done in person-to-person conversations so that we don't have to necessarily "burden" someone else with our problems, or so that we don't sound like we're bragging about how awesome life is, I think we stand at the very edge of a gulf. It will only be so long until we have alienated ourselves from the problem, and therefore lose power to actually find a solution.

The same goes for blessings. The real danger in simply saying that you have received many blessings is that you alienate yourself from what those blessings are, and over time you'll cease to see how you are blessed. Shortly thereafter you won't recognize your blessings for what they are. There is a hymn entitled "Count Your Blessings" that we are all probably familiar with. And lots of times we give that advice to people. "Dude, just count your blessings if you're feeling low." "Ladies, if you would count your blessings you would see God's hand in your life." But really, the most important part of that hymn is the second half of the first line of the chorus: "Name them one by one." What is better? Saying "I have 12 blessings" or saying "The Lord has blessed me in the following ways: 1)....."?

And I'm not necessarily saying that saying you are blessed or challenged is a bad thing. Some situations call for it. And the last thing I want to do is sit through a testimony meeting where everyone enumerates their blessings (because they feel they should be grateful and focus on the positive) or their challenges (because they want you to know that God gives us our challenges so we can learn. To this train of thought I say, "Well, yes, but sometimes really terrible things just happen, and I would hesitate to say that God caused them all.").

But here's the conclusion. When we overuse the terms trial, challenge, difficulty, struggle, blessing, etc. we run the risk of making those words meaningless. I could be wrong (but I'm not) but I believe in the scriptures that Jesus tells his disciples to bear one another's burdens. So if you are dealing with some stuff, don't worry about burdening others. They've been commanded to help. No matter what, name it to yourself. If you struggle with depression, name it. Name your familial dysfunction, your addiction, your anger, your sorrow, your loss, your career success, your good grade on that test, your mother. Whatever it is, you cannot solve it or truly be grateful for it without seeing it for what it is, without naming it. Because once you know its name you have power over it. Power to share, to seek help and understanding, to feel joy, to empathize.

So yeah, that's what's in a name.

Should You Care About BYUSA?

In short, the answer is probably no. Unless you want to. I won't judge.

A point made clear (now) by the BYUSA and by fellow blog person in this illuminating post, is that they are not a student government (but rather a Student Service Association). What does this mean in as few words as possible? Their power is minimal, their authority is nil. They do hand out free food sometimes, though, so that's something.

So who do you want giving you cookies (as long as you wear a BYU shirt)? Your number of choices has grown. This go around there are three pairs running for the coveted BYUSA President/VP combo. And why shouldn't six people want to pad their resumes with what will inevitably be misinterpreted as serving in some sort of student government? You're just upset that you didn't think of it first. And by first, I mean when you came as a freshman and signed up for their mailing list in order to get a free t-shirt. Maybe you shouldn't have immediately deleted those monthly e-mails.

But they're all about the real issues this go around. Wait, never mind, one of them is still running on the "Vending Machines in the Library" platform. So, like, the security guards will ask me to not bring a Jamba Juice into the library, but they'd be totally cool with buying a chocolate milk inside. In fact, it's completely inappropriate to be eating in about 95% of the library anyway. They also want to improve Wifi across campus. Here's a secret: You could always just contact IT and tell them about a dead spot. Like you can do it right now. If enough students ask, they fix it.

One pair wants to make the BYUSA more effective at pairing you with service opportunities or organizations that you would find interesting. That's cool. Apparently they weren't telling you how to get in touch with the people before. Seems like a simple fix, right? Just give the students the information. But wait, instead of you going in and saying, "Hey, I'm interested in this sort of thing," they'll have you tell them about what your interested in and take a personality test. Yeah, it's the same, but with a personality test. It will also tell you which Lord of the Rings character you're most like.

Surely these candidates are so different that it will be easy to choose one pair that you side with most. Not really. Two sets talk about vending machines, and two talk about the BYUSA being a student involvement center. And surprisingly, I have actually seen all of their initiatives and platforms before. Part of me thinks that they just pull initiatives out of a hat (and with 3 pairs this year, they had to reuse some). No, I get it, they spend a lot of time thinking about these things. Arts cards, pre-game events, vending machines, websites, etc. All are potentially important. If you care.

According to the Universe, "According to current BYUSA President[,] Brandon Beck, 78 percent of the student body did not vote in the last election." What does this mean? Well, it means that 78% of the student body doesn't care about the BYUSA. This could potentially be seen as a massive majority of the student body voting against the BYUSA, but I guarantee that that 78% would feel as apathetic towards eliminating the BYUSA as they are towards electing a new president. To them, all of the candidates are just variations on a theme. And that theme is, "We're so stoked about the BYUSA." And that theme means, "We are happy with the BYUSA as it is."

Can you make it through 4 years without interacting much with the BYUSA? Easily. But then you miss out on cookies and free t-shirts. I have never bought a BYU shirt, and I have like 5. Not a bad deal. So should you care about who gets elected as the BYUSA President/VP? No, because I guarantee the number of cookies, the amount of hot chocolate, and the availability of free t-shirts will remain the same regardless of who gets elected. And if the initiatives you want don't happen, don't worry. They'll be the platforms next year. So during the voting period (March 3-5) feel free to vote or not vote. Your vote probably doesn't actually matter.

An Ideal Relationship

I have spent some significant time pondering this over the past few days, so now I feel it is my duty to present my non-scientific findings to the community.

I think at one point or another, especially at the BYU, many of us have spent some time pondering what would make the perfect relationship. And connected to that is the question of how do we know when we are in a, if not perfect then at least healthy, relationship. The major problem is that oftentimes when you are in a relationship wherein feelings are involved it's just about impossible to objectively evaluate that relationship. Hopefully the following thoughts will at least give us all some tools to use in our interpersonal forward progress.

Let's begin at the beginning. Here are some very key tidbits that serve as a pretty good baseline from my experience.

1) Both parties should be emotionally invested in the relationship. I don't really know if one person can be more or less invested than the other, but I imagine it can happen.
2) Both parties should express their care and affection. Now, we have probably all heard about the different love languages. I'm not sure it matters so much about how your express, but what matters is that you understand how the other expresses affection and how they feel valued and appreciated.
3) Both parties should communicate. Duh. If one or both parties keeps their feelings or thoughts completely closed off from the other, then I can say with some certainty that success is not imminent.

But all of that just sounds pretty standard in identifying a good relationship. In fact, if you are doing well on all three of those then you are probably on the right track. But there is one more thing. I don't think it's anything I've learned, but rather it is something that my experience with theatre has helped me to articulate.

When acting with a scene partner (or partners), if you focus on what you're doing, what you're saying, and your own success in the scene, then the scene will get performed. It will be mediocre and uninspiring, but it will be. What is the secret to a really great performance? Giving. If you think about what you can give to boost everyone around, what you can give to the audience, what you can give at all times, then chances are you are going to have quite an excellent scene on your hands.

I think the same goes for relationships (both romantic and non-romantic). You should be giving of yourself, your time, and your energy to the other person. You should think of their happiness, their success, and their needs. And quite frankly, they should be doing the same thing. There is very little room for selfishness in any relationship you will ever have. I would posit that the only place for selfishness is that you have every right to expect that other person involved in the relationship to be giving, too.

If the other person is extremely giving it is very easy to default to a taking position. They give and give and that giving needs to go somewhere, so you accept it. The problem is that sometimes this default means that you are not giving back. Beware of this. You should both be giving, and you should both be accepting of the emotional "gifts" that the other is giving.

So I said I would tell you how you can know if you are in a healthy and prosperous relationship. That's it. What's wonderful about it is that anyone can learn to give. It's called charity, and it's up to us to tailor that charity to yield the greatest amount of fruit in our relationships. If you feel like you are giving everything and getting nothing in return, then chances are your relationship is not in a good spot.

But here's the thing: all relationships take time and effort. If it's not perfect (because it will never be) you can talk about it. Do you wish that the other person would give more? Then talk to them about it. Any relationship worth having is worth working on, worth developing, worth cultivating. So communicate, give your "gifts," and invest. I promise you it's worth it. You'll never really know where your future will take you, but if both of you think you are on a good path then I say keep climbing.