1. Get a salaried job - Check. I work full-time and I've completed my training.
2. Purchase a bed - Check. And it's queen-sized. After all that time in college on a twin mattress (if you can call it a mattress) I'm going big. And it's memory foam.
3. Get a place of my own - Mostly check. I just need to finish moving in.
4. Get a college degree - Check. I don't use it, but I've got it.
5. Get my own cellular telephone - Check. And it even acts as a pedometer. You could attempt to get on my level, but don't be disappointed if you can't.
6. Get business cards - Check. They have my name on them and everything.
7. Become the greatest uncle ever - Check. Tears happen when I leave.
8. Obtain a wife and/or children - Not yet accomplished. Luckily this is more an add-on of adulthood, something that should probably not be accomplished until adulthood is within your grasp.
9. Buy a shower curtain - Check. What's so special about this? If you don't know then you've never bought a shower curtain.
10. Have health, dental, life, and accidental death and dismemberment insurance - Check. My hand is currently worth thousands of dollars if it gets accidentally removed from my arm.
11. Have a 401k and know what it is - Check.
12. Have my own wifi - Check. It's even named after me.
I don't understand how women aren't falling over themselves to partake in my maturity and adulthood. Added bonus: I am bearded, which physiologically means I have reached adulthood and which psychologically means I am strong, reliable, respectable, and erudite. I even use words like erudite. And panache.
Adulthood, it's a pleasure to meet you.
